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The Conundrum

February 19, 2020

Change. Change is the bane of my existence.

Normally, I can handle it pretty well. That is, when it comes in small doses. For some reason the fates or Fortuna have decided that my “change” intake has been too low. They called to up the dose. I took it in stride. And then the dose was upped again.

Things are changing all around us all the time. Take nature for example. She goes through cycles of renewal, growth, decay, and rest. Over and over in this continual process. I think that humans are like that too. We are constantly changing, but we go through cycles. Cycles of growth followed by cycles of decay. We are either thinking back on the times that are good and realizing how hard things are now, or realizing how good we are doing compared to where we have been.

Sometimes this cycle can be vicious, particularly around February for me. I get into these doldrums and when that happens I have a hard time getting out of my head. So many thoughts and feelings all at once, that I’m not sure what’s real anymore.

It is at these times when it is good to look at a calendar. Or in my case, to spread my life out in front of me and try to figure out what is happening inside of myself. When you look at a calendar, it is easy to see the patterns of growth, where we have come from, and where we have to go. Compare that with the weather, and maybe you’ll see if there are any abnormal changes occurring. And when you put your to do list in front of you, and compare it to a reliable source you can recognize where there are problems and hopefully adjust them.

In all honesty, the changes that have been happening in my lie recently are all generally positive. But too much change too quickly can easily become an overdose. Recognizing when you’ve hit your limit is crucial to understanding yourself and to moving forward through the changes happening in life.

I look forward to when the leaves come on the trees. But I can wait for the frost to be gone before I see those beautiful blossoms.

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