I feel like I keep saying every time I write a post that “this one is a bit different from what I normally do.” Thing is, I don’t really know what I normally do. But I have some things on my mind, and I thought I’d share them in the best way I could.
The pandemic is the wake up call I needed. That isn’t to say that I am glad that it happened. It’s one of those strange moments in life where you wish that something never happened, but you don’t want to lose what you have learned from the experience. I felt that way with my dad dying. Am I glad he died? Not at all. Am I grateful for the knowledge and experience that I have gained as a result? Yes. And I don’t want to go back to who I was before it.
The pandemic is in a similar category in my head. It’s terrible, but at the same time has brought a lot to light in my life. I’ve learned a lot from this experience, and I get the feeling that I’ll continue to learn from it.
I’ve rediscovered myself. I’ve learned how to let go. I’ve learned to adapt. I’ve realized how self-reliant I can be, while also finding out how much I need people. I’ve taken back my life in a lot of ways. The pandemic helped me to re frame my education and realize that I could graduate, not in 2 years, but this December. I’ve realized more of what I want to do with my life and have started to take the steps to do so. It’s given me time to work on my craft.
My best friend said recently that storytellers and artists spend so much time telling other people’s stories that they don’t think to tell their own. I’ve found my place in my story again. And while this chapter of my life is over in more ways than one and the grief and pain of it can be extraordinarily overwhelming, I know that the next chapter will be worth it.
Sometimes there isn’t closure. And that’s okay. “Because when you close a chapter, really close it, that means it is done. You don’t think about it. You forget. It is possible to move past things in life, but if we don’t keep it slightly open in our memory, it will be forgotten.”
This line is actually one I wrote in my book “Constantine Capers: The Pennington Perplexity.” As I was writing this post, the character who said this came to mind. There’s something to be said about learning from the past and pushing forward, even when things are difficult.
And I think, much like the sentiments in my last post, that the thing I’m most grateful for is the reminder that there’s always a choice. No matter the situation, I can always choose how I respond. Whether that is with panic and tears or with kindness, acceptance, and faith. Choose to find the blessings amidst the darkness.
For as terrible as this time has been, I’m grateful for what I’ve learned.