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My Life is a Sitcom

September 28, 2020

“It’s Not Easy Being a Moron,” opening and theme song.

SCENE 1: NATALIE’S APARTMENT, MORNING

The camera zooms in on the house as dialog is heard.

ROOMMATE

Now you’re certain you’ll be able to handle the watering today?

Shot changes to the interior. Natalie and her roommate are sitting at a vanity. Her roommate is getting ready for the day. Natalie is still in her pajamas.

NATALIE

Of course! It’s just for a couple of hours. How hard can it be?

ROOMMATE

Well, you’ll want to get started on it soon.

Natalie hops up and goes outside. We watch as she painstakingly pulls the hose around the side of the house and attaches the sprinkler head. She positions it on the lawn and turns on the sprinkler before going back inside. She passes her roommate at the vanity as she goes up to her room.

NATALIE

You don’t need the bathroom before I shower?

ROOMMATE

Nope! Go crazy with it.

Natalie disappears into the room upstairs. The roommate finishes up with her hair and we watch her come into the living room. The camera is on her look of horror as she grabs a towel from a pile of laundry and runs to the open window where water from the sprinklers is shooting in.

ROOMMATE

Natalie!!!

We hear hurried footsteps as Natalie runs down the stairs to the living room.

NATALIE

Wha—oh no!

She runs outside and wrestles with the sprinkler to turn it away from the house, getting soaked in the process. She ends up just going and turning off the water. Inside, the roommate closes the window. Natalie comes back in, dripping.

ROOMMATE

What was that about it being easy?

NATALIE

It’s fine. I needed an extra shower anyway.

ROOMMATE

Well, I’m off. Don’t flood the house.

NATALIE

I’m not making the same mistake twice.

Roommate leaves and Natalie goes outside to rethink the sprinkler situation. She replaces the head with a different one and moves it to the exact location necessary. She turns it on and watches it in action, making sure that it doesn’t hit the house or move at all.

NATALIE

Perfect.

She goes inside and glances at the remaining open window. It’s so far away from where the water is spraying there is no chance that the water will get in.

Cut back to sprinkler happily toiling away.

Cut to Natalie closing the bathroom door, towel and clothes in hand.

Cut to sprinkler.

Cut to bathroom door. Steam is coming from underneath it. Natalie can be heard singing.

Cut to pedestrians walking up towards their part of the sidewalk and grimacing at the water they might have to walk through.

Cut to bathroom door and Natalie singing at the top of her lungs.

Cut to pedestrian moving the sprinkler head so that it doesn’t hit the sidewalk.

Cut to Natalie in front of the bathroom mirror in a robe with a towel around her head. She draws a smiley face in the mirror.

Cut to sprinkler spraying directly into the remaining open window, spraying the back wall.

Cut to Natalie coming into the living room and freaking out, closing the window, and using the towel off her head to mop up the mess. When she’s done, she sighs and drops onto the couch.

NATALIE

I guess I’m getting dressed and then taking shower 3.

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